Why Are We Losing Our Men to Silence?
As a community, we are often guilty of celebrating a man’s strength while ignoring his heavy burdens—until it is too late. We expect our men to be unbreakable pillars. We pile on the pressures of financial provision, family leadership, and societal expectations, demanding they remain stoic through every crisis. We applaud them for never complaining. But when a man suddenly collapses, when he destroys his life through addiction, or when we lose him to suicide, the community reacts with shock, asking, “Why didn’t he just say something?” The truth is, we have created a world where saying something feels like social suicide for a man. Globally, over 550 million men are currently living with mental health challenges. According to the World Health Organization, men are twice as likely to die by suicide than women. In many communities, that number jumps to an alarming four times as likely. Yet, if you look at mental health clinics, support groups, or counseling spaces, men are rarely there. From busy corporate offices to the local boda boda stages and neighborhood pubs, men are suffering in absolute, structured silence because the community teaches them that vulnerability is a weakness. The Mask We Wear In many African societies, boys are socialized from childhood to lock away their emotions. Phrases like ” Men don’t cry” or “Endelea tu” (just keep going) teach men to bury their pain. Women, watch the lnguage you use on your boys when they cry. Because of this, depression in men rarely looks like textbook sadness. Instead, it wears a mask of functional survival: The Crutches That Keep Us Broken When a man is drowning inside and cannot ask for help, his instinct is to grab onto mental crutches to keep his head above water. These habits feel like survival tools, but they actually destroy your health and prolong the suffering. If these syymptoms go on for over two weeks, see a doctor, who can then redirect you. Turning to the Soil: Practical Ways to Heal Burying emotions or relying on crutches is a safety hazard. If your car’s “check engine” light came on, you wouldn’t smash the dashboard with a hammer; you would pull over and fix the engine. Your irritability, insomnia, and fatigue are your warning lights. Healing does not require a public declaration. It starts with small, practical steps—and often, the best medicine comes from the earth beneath your feet: Seeking support is not quitting the fight. It is recruiting a teammate so you can win it. Your family, your children, and your community do not just need you to be physically present—they need you to be well. Free, Confidential Mental Health Resources in Kenya: This article has been written by Ms Shibero R Akatsa a practicing clinical therapist with extensive experience supporting men’s mental health within local and international communities.
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