The word “narcissist” is everywhere these days.
But in our context — in our homes, our culture, our marriages — most people are not looking for a diagnosis. Nobody is sitting in a psychiatrist’s office trying to understand a clinical disorder.
People are simply trying to survive hurtful, selfish, cruel, and destructive behaviour that is breaking families, crushing confidence, and leaving deep emotional wounds.
And that behaviour is becoming frighteningly common.So let’s tell the truth plainly:
Some people behave in ways that are harsh, controlling, manipulative, and emotionally dangerous.
They ignore your feelings.
They twist stories.
They punish you for speaking the truth.
They blame you for what they’ve done.
They charm in public and wound in private.
They use fear, silence, or emotional chaos to keep control.
They show no empathy, even when they’ve clearly hurt you.
You don’t need a clinical label for that. You just need to recognise it.
In many marriages, this behaviour is so normalised that people begin to doubt themselves. They ask:
“Maybe it’s me?”
“What did I do wrong?”
“Why can’t I make this work?”
But here is the truth — and I say it with love:
Someone else’s cruelty is not your fault.
Someone else’s selfishness is not your burden.
Someone else’s lack of empathy is not your responsibility to fix.
And when behaviour becomes emotionally damaging — or even physically dangerous — the name we give it doesn’t matter.
What matters is that it is real, it is harmful, and it must be seen clearly.
Seeing the signs with fresh eyes
You may be dealing with destructive behaviour if you notice consistent patterns like:
- Always being blamed, even when you’ve done nothing wrong
- Apologising constantly just to keep the peace
- Feeling anxious when they walk into the room
- Being silenced or dismissed when you express pain
- Being manipulated, controlled, or intimidated
- Feeling emotionally drained, unsupported, or unsafe
- Being punished with silence, withdrawal, or bursts of anger
- Having your reality twisted until you doubt your own mind
You don’t need to diagnose this.
You need to recognise it.
Because awareness is the first step out of confusion.
Why this behaviour is so spiritually and emotionally destructive
When someone constantly tears down your sense of self, you lose:
- your peace
- your clarity
- your confidence
- your emotional safety
- your joy
- your dignity
And God’s Word says clearly:
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23
This is not about religion.
It’s about wisdom.
About protecting your emotional, spiritual, and physical wellbeing.
No one is called to stay in chaos, cruelty, or violence.
So what do you do when someone behaves like this?
Here is the path towards clarity and strength:
1. Stop overexplaining yourself
You cannot reason your way into someone else’s empathy.
2. Set firm boundaries
Not to punish them — but to protect you.
3. Stop trying to change them
You did not break them.
You cannot fix them.
4. Protect your peace and your mental stability
Your clarity is your lifeline.
Chaos is the environment where harmful behaviour thrives.
5. Reach out for support
Safe people. Professional guidance.
You are not meant to walk through this alone.
6. And most importantly: Guard your heart.
Your life depends on it.
Your future depends on it.
Your children’s wellbeing depends on it.
You are not crazy. You are not imagining it. And you are not alone.
Many people are waking up to the reality that what they’ve been calling “conflict” is actually harm.
What they thought was “marriage struggle” is actually emotional destruction.
What they assumed was “normal” is actually deeply unhealthy and unsafe.
And once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
There is a path forward — and you don’t have to walk through confusion, separation, or divorce without support.
YOUR NEXT STEPS FOR HEALING, CLARITY & WISDOM
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