For years, I wore the mask. I was the “Strong African”—the one who held it all together, the one who never complained, the one who kept the wheels turning no matter the cost.
On the outside, I was doing everything “right.” I was working hard, showing up for everyone, and pushing through the pain. But while the world saw a woman who had it all figured out, my body was telling a different story. I wasn’t just tired; I was disintegrating. I didn’t just hit a wall—I broke down. Twice.
The Reality of the Hustle
Many of us are living in this state of “barely functioning.” We have been raised to believe that the hustle is a badge of honor and that “strength” means carrying the weight of the world without making a sound.
I realized, painfully, that I was exhausted, disconnected, and deeply alone. This version of strength wasn’t a virtue—it was a trap. I was carrying everything and sharing nothing. We have been taught that to be “strong” is to be an island, but the truth is that islands eventually erode.
The Ubuntu Shift: From Slogan to Lifeline
That is when the true meaning of Ubuntu hit me. We often say “I am because we are” as a beautiful sentiment, but for me, it became a lifeline.
I finally understood that I couldn’t be well on my own. My health, my sanity, and my joy are tied to the community around me. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. I had to unlearn the lie that strength is about endurance. I had to learn the truth: True strength is not carrying everything—it’s knowing when to let yourself be held.
Dropping the Mask
I decided to stop trying to hustle my way out of exhaustion. I stopped pretending. I let the mask down, reached out, and admitted the most uncomfortable truth an African person can say: “I cannot do this alone.”
For many of us, this feels dangerous. We were raised never to say “I’m struggling” or “I’m not okay.” We were told it’s a sign of weakness or a lack of faith. But let me tell you, that honesty is where my healing actually began. When I stopped being “strong,” I finally started being well.
The Ubuntu Takeaway: The Truth as Medicine
We were never meant to carry the weight of the world on our own shoulders. If you are reading this and your heart is beating a little faster because you recognize yourself, this is your invitation to put the weight down.
Here is something simple you can start practicing today:
Reach out to one person. Just one. Don’t give them the “fine, thank you” version of your day. Remove the mask for five minutes and be real with them. Tell them how you are truly doing.
It will feel uncomfortable. It might even feel like you’re failing. But in that moment of truth, you are reconnecting to the “we” that makes “you” possible.
I want to ask you honestly:
Which part of the “Strong African” mask feels heaviest for you right now? Is it the financial pressure? The emotional silence? The need to look perfect?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s start breaking these masks together.
