picture. Oh, and then there’s the completely irrational fear
that you may have “swiped left” on your soul mate.
Bottom line – society expect you to be married whatever your age once you become an
adult. We do live in a ‘couples’ world, where most of us are expected to ‘fit in’, that
is…find a ‘partner’ like everyone else.

For many Singles, this can be a long, lonely, and confusing road, especially when it’s
unwanted, whether through never having married, widowed, separated or divorced. We
can walk through a winding decade of loneliness within your own thoughts of insecurity.

Being ‘Single’ Does Not Necessarily Equal To Looking for Love.

Contrary to popular belief, being single isn’t about the need to fit into the ‘couples’ world
by looking for love. If you are unhappy being single and feel you must have a
partner/spouse/be married, then I can predict that once you are in any intimate
relationship, you will become ‘co- dependent’ meaning the relationship and your partner
becomes the air that you breath, you live through them and they become your identity,
no matter how unhappy you are, you need that relationship to ‘stay alive’ and being
single without that relationship, means being ‘depressed’ and terribly unhappy and
lonely. And this becomes ‘normal’ for you, which is a major problem that will affect all
your intimate relationships.

Lessons I Learnt About the Season of ‘Singleton’

Life has its seasons. Being ‘single’ is just another season of life and for very good
reason. It isn’t about being alone, it’s about being by yourself, and making yourself a
better person, not someone else.

It’s when you should be exploring who you are, your strengths, passions, gifting’s, flaws
and your faith and finding inner peace and healing from wounds of the past – not from
somebody else but from who God created you to be.

Consequently building yourself into the best version of you that you can be. You can’t
possibly expect your potential life partner to make you happy because life doesn’t work
out that way. Nobody can make you happy, until you find your inner joy, peace and
happiness as a whole person.

If you are free of psychological, traditional, cultural baggage and emotional wounds,
then being single won’t bother you at all. On the contrary you can be very happy, while
enjoying the privileges of being commitment free, where you can pursue your goals of

However from my professional and personal experiences as a single and around
singles, many of which are women, sadly most of us have emotional dependency to find
total happiness in our marital or courtship relationships. That’s not how life is…….

It’s a Choice You Need to Make.
You can go through this season and if you focus on ‘who am I’ as God created you, and
work on realizing the potential of this person within, this season can become extremely
joyful and fulfilling, in preparation for the next season in your life – whatever that maybe.
This is what I have learnt as a Single:

  1. You may not get married
    “What do you want your life to be like if you never get married?” This is crucial in
    understanding if you are struggling to find contentment being single.
    The truth is, God hasn’t promised any of us marriage. Time after time, we’re told, “God
    has someone who will be perfect for you!” when God has promised no such thing. God
    promises to meet our needs; He doesn’t promise us a husband or a wife.
    It might take some time to process this truth, to let this sink in and to grieve the
    potential loss of a dream. But the value in accepting this harsh reality is that it allows
    you to begin to dream new dreams for your life and to live fully the life you’ve been given
  2. You can be content

Many of us believe that to be content, one of two things must happen: We must get
married, or we must purge ourselves of any desire to ever be married. Either way, our
definition of contentment is completely wrong.
Contentment doesn’t eliminate your desires. You can be content today as a single and
still want to get married someday. Contentment is a decision, not a feeling. It’s a
determination to be satisfied with what God has given you today. Because of this, it’s
possible to be content in your single state. And if you practice contentment today, you’ll
be better prepared for whatever life brings your way.

  1. You have no need to be ashamed
    In addition to loneliness and jealousy, many of us feel a sense of shame about not being
    married. We feel awkward when we walk into places alone, as though there’s something
    wrong with us for not being attached to someone else. There’s nothing wrong in being
  2. Marriage isn’t better or worse than singleness – it’s just different
    The extent to which we’re able to be content being single depends really on what we
    believe about marriage. Do we believe we’re missing out?
  3. You can change the way you feel about being single by changing the way you think
    about being single
    Most of us believe, in general, that we can’t control our feelings. Actually, it is possible
    to change the way you feel. Your thoughts and feelings are intricately connected. To be
    emotionally healthy, your thoughts must be full of truth.
    If you think your married friends are better off, that God has overlooked you, that you’ve
    missed His plan for your life, you’ll be miserable. If, on the other hand, you know you’re
    right where God wants you to be, that being unattached isn’t a badge of shame, and that
    marriage doesn’t bring instant fulfillment, your emotions will be transformed.
    What do you really believe about being single? Are there lies at the root of your negative
    emotions? Track them down, root them out. Your feelings will change, and you’ll find a
    world of possibilities in your single life.
    My desire for you , if you one day want to be married, is that you find each other when
    you know who you truly are – having found peace and happiness from within and
    pursuing your dreams.

I know that this is the happiest I have been in my life – doing the things that God has
called me to do and becoming the best of that person – Me.



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