Blog

FACING SEPARATION OR DIVORCE?

• Shibero Akatsa
• December 26, 2022
• 2,506 Views
• 0 Comments

You don’t have to go through this alone. I went through my own separation in 2006, andcompleted the divorce in 2015. I know firsthandwhat it’s like to experience the emotional pain,anger, and fear that occur during divorce. I havebeen right where you are.Divorce is something I never thought about or evencontemplated but it can happen to anyone. And ithappened to me. It was the biggest, most shockingand difficult life-changing experience. It tore myfamily apart. Literally bring such intense feelings ofgreat pain and destruction. This article is sharing the gems I learnt about the emotional rollercoaster as Iwent through separation and divorce. If you can understand the rollercoaster ofemotions it will help in minimizing the impact on yourself and the children.While for some people separation and divorce is a relieving end to an abusive and orextremely toxic and unhappy marriage, for others, the disintegration of the relationshipand the divorce itself can actually cause you deep psychological distress especiallyanxiety and depression that can affect you’re moving forward after the final legalprocess.My worst nightmare became a reality after having pondered over the decision foreight years to leave the marriage. The nightmare had become a reality. Even though it had been coming for a while, I was still thrown into that emotional rollercoaster, whenmy ex had to leave. It was like learning how to ice skate, jam packed with emotions!You may be in this place now, where you find that you have been forced to leave themarriage or your spouse has up and left or they have brought in another partner.Whatever the case, you are now on the emotional rollercoaster.Overwhelming Pain This is very normal. Your marriage just died and you’reoverwhelmed with emotions that you cannot describe. Youhave to learn how to best deal with these emotions because,with the pain of your emotions, it’s very easy to lose sight ofthe end result, which is getting through the divorce processand minimizing the impact of the pain and on your children.It is important to be aware of what you are feeling and whyyou are feeling it. Being able to understand our emotionswhile this is happening will help you get a grip on yourthoughts and release them in a more controlled manner, asopposed to not thinking about it and defaulting to emotionaloutbursts. This doesn’t mean that you hide your feelings; you just learn to control them in a waythat doesn’t further fuel your already raw emotions. Specific Emotions You May Experience Even though I had initiated the separation anddivorce in my marriage, I went through allmanner of feelings starting with fear, hurt,feeling rejected confused and unloved, relief,resentment for being pushed to make thedecision for my daughter and me, anger,doubt, guilt…plenty of guilt anddisappointment.Many times at night I’d cry myself to sleepaway from our daughter. Not always, but most. I remember that inner feeling of paralysis – going through the motions of each day, witha young child who needed to be taken care of. Always wearing a paper-thin mask, of‘being okay’ to present to the world, while inside I was so broken, and yet had to keepgoing when all I wanted to do was curl up in a corner and go to sleep.I was overflowing with the following emotions that are common and natural to thosegoing through marital separation:

Read More